Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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