dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
