i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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