Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
