Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
