First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize