i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
