Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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