She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
