only if we run a train.
done.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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