Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
