Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
