Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
