You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
