he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
