sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
