I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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