where am i from again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm like, not good at living.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
