the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
