Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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