all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize