Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
