we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize