morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
