I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
