I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
