Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
