Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize