Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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