My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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