In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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