You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
