She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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