woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
