well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
