Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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