my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
