just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
