who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
