We won't sleep together?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
