1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
