Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
