the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
