people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
