so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
