its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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