SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
