My liver just broke up with me...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
