He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Still dying that you shit outside
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
