I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
