I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
