Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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