I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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