i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
