i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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