I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
