the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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