I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
