Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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