The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
