WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
