I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
