You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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