??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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