Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize