Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
